Horses are strange creatures. I don’t know much about them, except that they make up 1/2 of a centaur and if you slap them on the ass while you’re drunk and yell “Hi, Ho Silver!” they’ll try to kill you. (That last fact is courtesy of my uncle.) I’ve pet kangaroos, fed lions from milk bottles, ridden elephants, and nearly been attacked by an Emu because apparently since it shared the same exhibit with the kangaroo they became lovers or something. The point is that I’ve done some pretty messed up shit with animals but riding a horse for more than an hour has not been one of those things.
The main reason why I don’t like riding horses is because they smell like horse shit. I don’t walk around smelling like human shit, so why do they think it’s acceptable? But, their sables are probably full of horse shit. You’re thinking. Even some cats know how to shit on the toliet, so why can’t horses? Seriously, I should be the one to invent the horse toilet to support them. I’ll also invent the “hoof wipe”.
The minor-yet-still-huge reason why I don’t ride horses is that when they do shit or pee it splatters. The only reason sables tell you to wear pants while horseback riding is because the piss will splatter on your legs. If that horse’s urine was water, he could clean tires at the car wash with that kind of pressure. (Lucky, pee off this man’s SUV… good boy!)
I digress. I finally did get on a horse again and it was amazing. We went through trails on the fields and in the forests. The horse was well trained and responded to my every command perfectly, nor did it smell that strongly of horse shit.
During our walk around the field, the horse stopped suddenly and positioned himself weirdly. Horse piss. That was obviously the pre-shit piss because what came afterwards…
I think I’m tramatized.