Archive | Blog News RSS feed for this section

Changes

27 Nov

I’m writing in purple; I’m such a rebel.

Woah, now I’m blue. Didn’t expect that, did you? DID YOU?

There are going to be some changes around TL (Tedious Life’s cool, street name). I’m just going to get right down to it.

1.) I will now use TL when referring to this blog from now on. It is this blog’s street name (as explained above), and we should all respect that.

2.) My street name is Master Jedi DJ Fiddlesticks.

3.) In light of new, confidence boosting events, I will appear more weird (more me) in these posts.

4.) I feel as though I’ve finally found my personal writing voice because (see above).

Onwardeth to more exciting crap…

 I’m going to make TL  look prettier and easier to navigate; I will also blog a bit differently and less frequently because of other writing opportunities I am striving for and I also have no fear of grammar police hence this grammatically incorrect sentence.

The biggest difference will be Friday Flips. I might still write for this blog hop, but less frequently. Twitter and Facebook will not be updated, even though Facebook is already like that.

 Well, that’s it. BYE!

Advertisements

Friday Flips 9/3: Me on TV!

2 Sep

Just a short message before I begin Flip Offs…

I’m moving to WordPress.org VERY soon, before the end of September. This means that my website might be down but that’s because I’m moving NOT because I’m dead (but I’ll still take the free flowers). If you have ANY tutorial links or stories about the switch, PLEASE give them to me.

I haven’t felt this scared since a Maltese chased me down the street as a kid… don’t let that cute face fool you.

Twitter- Flip Off! I said that I wouldn’t become a Tweet addict but I feel the addiction coming on. I think I’m just one tweet away from my friends calling in Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil: So you Tweet over 9 THOUSAND times a day?

Me: Well… you’re bald!

Dr. Phil: Hasn’t this hurt your family?

Me: Maybe if they got on Twitter, we wouldn’t have this problem.

Dr. Phil: I want you to join the Dr. Phil house…

Then, I would decline because I heard that you’re not allowed to gamble in the Dr. Phil house. The producers would wave some money in my face and say I could keep it as long as I joined Dr. Phil house, pretended to be a 12 year old mom*, and wrote a tell-all book about how Dr. Phil house changed my life.

I would accept.

*= Multiple people have thought I was 11 since the time I was 14. I could play a 12 year old mom, no problem.

Dog- Flip Off! You keep asking to go outside and potty but you never go…

 I found out that you have Old Dog Constipation, which is just like Old Man Constipation but Dog is a dog. What are you supposed to do for Old Dog Constipation? Am I supposed to hold a magazine in front of your face for you? I really hope you go so I don’t have to give you some sort of dog suppository because honestly, I will NOT do that for you…

Things I want/need- Flip Off! The list of things I want/need is growing… I need a car, I want a lightsaber, I want a camera…

(On the subject of cameras, did you know that Nikon and Canon are like Mac and PC? I found out when two photography nerds had a granny bitchslap fight in the middle of my local camera store… That is the reason why Star Wars conventions and Star Trek conventions cannot be held at the same location. That’s also why nobody should ask George Lucas if he is a Trekkie, Star Wars fans will feel betrayed and shed tears while the Trekkies will jump with joy. It leads to a geeky granny bitchslap fight, believe me.)

I need to get a REAL job.

WordPress.org- Flip Off! Yeah, you all knew this was coming. This is going to be tough but I hope that I can have the new and improved Tedious Life running by October. I’m so scared…

I’m rambling a lot today and I think this post shows it. I blame my lack of sleep. Now, I’m off to watch a few episodes of Three’s Company…. WEEEEEE!

Click here to visit Momma Kiss and the other Flippers!

You Know You’re A Loser When You Feel Guilty About Not Blogging

15 Jul

THE CYCLES OF BLOGGING

~You post on a regular basis

~Posting starts to slow down

~You stop posting

~OH CRAP, I FORGOT MY BLOG!

~You make a stupid “Sorry, I was gone doing this…” kind of post

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry, I haven’t posted in awhile! There are MANY reasons why I wasn’t able to post…

1.)    I got stuck in 1985 and WordPress wasn’t created yet!

2.)    My laptop broke in half

3.)    I went on a mission to uncover the origins of “That’s what she said!”

4.)    I got stuck in a bathroom stall

5.)    Flying squirrels crapped on my windows

6.)    Ninjas stole my cat; I had to get revenge

7.)    I ate flying squirrel for the first time

8.)    I stepped in dog poop

9.)    I got bitch-slapped by a Golden Retriever (I’m not swearing,  it was a female)

10.) I had to finish my lunch

11.)  I found out the Icelandic Sheepdog now has full AKC Recognition.

12.) I made chocolate brownies

13.) I accepted the Star Wars Challenge and won… twice!

14.) I tried to learn how to knit

15.) I decided to get two Roborovski Hamsters

I didn’t blog about any of those things, that’s too bad 😦

Things I STILL have to accomplish:

1.)    Win the Star Wars challenge a third time

2.)    Buy my hamsters

3.)    Eat dinner

I promise I won’t leave you guys again!

My Arch-Nemesis Has Gas

9 Jun

Dear You,

I was sitting on a bench in that department store. You sat next to me quietly and never said a word. I was waiting for someone else in the store and I assumed you were as well. Your eyes looked blank and you were slouched over in that I-am-so-tired-of-shopping kind of way.

You suddenly stood up and began to walk back into the store. I assumed that whoever you were waiting for was done shopping. I was happy for you.

Then… it happened.

I heard that boisterous, ear-splitting noise of gas escaping your posterior. I might have overlooked it if you did not look back at me with this look of self-satisfaction and superiority.  You held that stare for several seconds. What was I supposed to say to you during that time?

“Ha-ha, nice one!”

NO! I would NOT feed into your repulsive display of arrogance.  I tried to keep my face emotionless, but the look of disgust and shock lingered on my face. You looked satisfied and left me sitting on the bench with tiny particles of your violent gas floating around the room.

As if it wasn’t bad enough, I began to smell it. The smell of a thousand dead squirrels, skunk spray, and diseased monkey feces began to enter my nose. Did you eat a burrito with a side of rotten manure just for this occasion?

I bet you run around doing this to people for a thrill. They should put you in a villain costume and call you the “Fart-inator”. Then, they should find a man into a superhero costume to follow you around and spray air freshener.

You might have thought it was a harmless joke. People like you are exactly why everything in the world is messed up.  All in the name of comedy, right? Well, I hope you had a cheap laugh at my expense.

I don’t think I can ever sit in that bench again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This post is actually taken from my notes and isn’t written about anyone in particular. I wrote this unedited letter in a few minutes after I witnessed several proud, public farters “showing off”. I have no hard feelings towards the public farters. If you ARE a proud, public farter, please save the super smelly farts for home.

I also want to point out my new “Share” button below. It might not seem like much to you but it means a lot to me. I’m going to name it to make it seem more friendly. I’ve been thinking about Timothy, Kyle, Bob, and a few more random names. If you know any more names that sound good for a Share button tell me!

Timothy Share-Button (pronouced, shair bah-tuhn). I like the sound of that.

~Sara :mrgreen:

—The copyright on the photo in this post has expired so it is in the public domain. It’s an image from the late 1700’s, awesome right?—

Eat My TV Dinners And I’ll Slash Your Tires…

11 May

If you work in an office building, you are probably familiar with the office fridge with all the little notices on it. A notice of when the fridge will be cleaned out is posted along with other little notices from the average employee to other employees. Most of these are crappy little rants about how “Someone stole my frozen dinner…” or “To whoever is using my creamer- STOP IT!”

Do some of these employees seriously think that these people will stop? If you are one of those people… they will never stop. They will giggle at your silly little note as they get fat on your frozen dinner and use your creamer as a laxative.

(Everybody gets that “feeling” when they eat a certain food… who says it can’t be creamer?)

Here are some fool proof techniques that ensure your creamer, frozen dinner, etc will only be consumed by you.

Inside domestic refrigerator .JPG

Here’s to you, Chris!

“Chris, I know you’ve been stealing my Diet-system dinners. If you ever do that again I will steal your newspaper comic strips. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, CHRIS? I WILL STEAL YOUR HAGAR THE HORRIBLE COMIC STRIPS! I WILL TAKE THEM, LAUGH AT THEM, AND NEVER GIVE THEM BACK!

Thanks, and have a great day!”

Most offices have a common name that is shared among multiple employees. In most offices this name is something like Chris, Bob, Emily, etc… You have a great chance of getting their name right so they think, “Oh crap, they know who I am!” You can also include a small, empty threat so they know you mean business. Don’t say you are going to push them down the stairs or anything that will hurt them. You can say that you will steal the photo of their brother/sister on their desk and kiss it every night.

There are a few negatives to this method. If their name is Rainbow-Sunbeam, you’re out of luck. Also,  threats (even minor, empty ones) are often looked down upon in most office buildings… You may be fired.

Looks like Chocolate!

Do you bring containers of food to work to be reheated later? Do you often find that someone else has already eaten your meal? Try bringing your food in a sealed container that is not made of transparent plastic. Food thieves are less likely to steal food they cannot see it. If you still fear that you will have to go hungry again, attach a note to the container.

“Dog’s stool sample for vet visit today. Do not open or it will be tainted and the worms won’t be seen!”

or…

“Fluffy’s body. Have no power and need to keep this cold! Love you, Fluffy!”

Spanglish?

I speak a little Spanish. I can go to a Spanish speaking nation and order food or ask where the bathroom is (or dressing room… you never know!). If you have some knowledge of a foreign language and you know for a fact not many people at your company do, confuse them with a foreign note or at least a note that sounds like it is from a foreign tourist.

“This has foods me mama made for me. Good elderly recipe from old country. Goat good for eyes. Take some for you self!”

You asked them to take some and it looks like some good food, but the foreign sounding author makes the food unappetizing. They have no idea what part of the goat is in there and some people in the United States (and other countries) think eating the brain, eyes, and tongues of goats is gross.

“Mi sobrino le gusta mi hermana … incesto?”

My Spanish isn’t perfect but I think I got did okay with this sentence. Everybody at work will stay away from you if they knew this message, Spanish speakers and English speakers. They would want to stay away from you for a long time.

———-

Just for the record, I don’t work in an office building nor do I ever plan to. Is it as dull and tedious as everyone says or is it full of wacky adventures with Steve Carell? I wouldn’t enjoy either…

:mrgreen: Sara :mrgreen:

 

%d bloggers like this: