Friday Flip Offs 10/15: Evil Feces

14 Oct

No original non-meme posts in three weeks? I would be a bit angry at myself if I didn’t have a post planned for next week… and an awesome party coming up! Seriously, this is how my life has been for about 3 weeks…

I forgot to add "making useless graphs"

As you can see, blogging has been the least of my concerns but that’s not going to stop me with Friday Flip Offs! 

Contacts, you suck hard. I’ve forgotten to taken you out twice this week, and woke up with sudden realization that my 20/20 vision was back and then the sadness that followed. I cried. 😥

America’s Schools, I just realized that you are reason why my vision sucks. You turned me into a Super Reader which really messed up my eyes.  If I ever mistake poison for orange juice, I’ll be suing you. That’s the American way.

Spanish you’ve failed me. All those classes and I still fumble with the easiest vocabulary words. I can’t imagine what those Spanish speakers are thinking of me after I told them, “I’m washing my hands with ham.”

Ham- jamón
Soap- jabón

This is why I will never take that vacation to Spain.

I’m giving an old-fashioned bird flipping to dog poop and Dog. Dog is a dog. He poops; it’s natural. What isn’t natural is the fact that he continues to push after he stands up and the result is crap smeared all over his rear end. He also tries to run away while I round-up a buddy (in today’s case, it was my loving father) to help me clean the crap off my dog’s butt with a moist towel. After we catch him, the cleaning process begins. In summary…

►He gets crap on my shoes.

►He runs off and wipes his shit on the leg closest to him.

►He has this weird look in his eye while I clean him. I think he assumes we’re in a relationship now, but I’m too scared to say no.

Dog’s 13th birthday is coming up, so I would normally associate his ‘pushing’ problems with old age… BUT he does it every time company comes over or I have something important to do. Every. Single. Time.

Who knew that poop could be used for evil?

What are you flipping off this week? Also, what’s the best way to break up with your dog?

 Click here to visit Mommakiss and the other bloggers flipping off today. (Please note that I will be posting this early and will be adding my blog to the linky list on Friday morning.)

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13 Responses to “Friday Flip Offs 10/15: Evil Feces”

  1. Sara @ Tedious Life October 14, 2010 at 9:30 pm #

    No joke, my dog did give me ‘the eye’.

  2. Missygalfun October 14, 2010 at 9:47 pm #

    Poopie? Yucky.

  3. MommaKiss October 15, 2010 at 6:23 pm #

    just making it over, my phone does not like to comment on your page – dont know why. Poop? dog poop? totally evil!
    But listen – how rare that my contacts piss’d me off twice this week, too? I hate when I fall asleep in them. I’m all drunk walking trying to get to the bathroom where the solution is to wet them. And that graph? priceless 😉

    • Sara @ Tedious Life October 16, 2010 at 12:09 pm #

      Yes, that’s the dog poop at work.

      Did I mention that he also wipes some on the computer screen?

  4. amyblam October 16, 2010 at 11:37 am #

    In French, ham is jambon. I think. Its been a long time since I’ve needed to disucss ham in French but I think that’s right.

  5. liz October 16, 2010 at 3:56 pm #

    I’m sorry, but this is hysterical. See, I have a dog so I get it. And I know how they can be when others’ are around. They are smarter than we give them credit for. 🙂

  6. CarolW October 17, 2010 at 7:51 am #

    This had made me smile today….I know how you feel about Spanish….I’ve been trying to teach myself it all year and as a linguist I shouldn’t really find it too difficult but I went to the ice cream stall on Friday in Mallorca and proudly ordered ‘dos helados en bolsas’ whereupon they all burst out laughing’ cos I’d ordered ice cream in a bag! I give up….think I’ll vacation somewhere where the language is easy! But not france…it’s full of dog poop!

    • Sara @ Tedious Life October 17, 2010 at 1:17 pm #

      Spanish is a pretty easy language. I’ve tried French and German before I settled on learning the Spanish language. Seriously, Spanish is the easiest it’s going to get.

      Isn’t that depressing?

  7. CarolW October 17, 2010 at 7:51 am #

    sorry bad spelling….has not had

  8. ZippyChix October 17, 2010 at 7:23 pm #

    You cracked me up with the ham/soap mix up. Made me laugh so hard that my son looked up from his video game to ask what was going on:) Have you tried that contacts that you can leave in for a week at a time. My DD uses them and loves them…she enjoys waking up and being able to see!

    • Sara @ Tedious Life October 18, 2010 at 4:47 pm #

      I use the 24 hour ones (you replace with new contacts every day without cleaning). I have heard of the weekly ones but I only need my contacts for school mostly because I can see okay without them.

      I wouldn’t use the weekly ones because I imagine my eyes would get dry. There would also be the concern for tap water getting stuck behind the contact during showering which could result in a bacterial infection in the eye.

      Wow… I did not want to make this comment all smarty pants like, so ummm… manatees?

  9. Stella October 17, 2010 at 7:45 pm #

    Visiting you from the LBS Tea Party…
    … & all I can say is… HILARIOUS!!!!

    Thanks for the great laugh!!!

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