This can protect you from flying cobras, or maybe not.

27 Sep

I hate those sales people in malls because they’re so stupid and can’t do their easy job, sell.

“Why should I buy your product today?”

“It makes your hair bouncy.”

Really sales people? I don’t want my hair bouncing around like it has a mind of its own because that would just be creepy.  

You should say that your product protects you from cobras. People are scared of cobras and will buy that shit up. Of course, this could set up some more problems when someone claims that they were bitten by a cobra but they didn’t get the anti-venom because they thought the hair gel was the anti-venom so they just slathered that on the cobra bite and died.

On the other hand, their testimony sounds a little crazy because they would have to be alive to tell their story. Unless they’re a ghost, in which case the cobras would be the least of our worries. Are they a bad ghost like in Ghostbusters or are they an awesome ghost like Obi-Wan Kenobi?

(Obi-Wan Kenobi has a beard which would be awesome on its own but he’s also a ghost. That’s awesome times 10.)

In order to avoid lawsuits, you could just include some tiny text on the bottom of the box that says not proven to 100% protect from venomous, not venomous, elderly, or flying cobras. And you could also include that this product is not anti-venom or an anti-venom substitute. Ask your doctor if you are healthy enough for cobra bites.  If you experience a dying affect lasting more than 4 hours, contact your doctor.

You should also create hairspray that makes your hair fireproof. Everybody knows that fire and cobras come together so if you can protect from both, you’ll be rolling in dinero.

Seriously, sales people, I’m not even in sales I can think this through. You need to hire me.


Check out this spam comment I received:

click to enlarge

They get bonus points for being Japanese and speaking almost comprehensible English.


6 Responses to “This can protect you from flying cobras, or maybe not.”

  1. Greta September 28, 2010 at 9:06 am #

    Sadly, you would be about the only salesperson I would take seriously. I would totally buy hairspray that warded off cobras. Damn cobras. Does it work on the Cobra Kai? Maybe Ralph Macchio could have used it when they kicked his ass on the beach in front of Elisabeth Shue.
    Don’t you love spam comments? It’s like trying to unravel a mystery. Is this some kind of secret code?

    • Sara @ Tedious Life September 28, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

      The Karate Kid- the only movie I have seen five times in one day… for 3 days.

      I love me some young Ralph Macchio.

      As for the ‘sapm’ comments, I received 77 of them today in just a few hours. I think that words attracts the lonely nerd/robot/ninja who posts those comments so I’m going to stick with ‘sapm’ from now on.

  2. liz September 28, 2010 at 3:33 pm #

    i like that you say “the dying affect.” So not actual death??? Just the affect of actual death? 🙂

  3. Missygalfun September 28, 2010 at 4:45 pm #

    Beards are awesome.

  4. Penny September 28, 2010 at 5:31 pm #

    Too funny! I love it!

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