BlogHer, not recommended for geeks

3 Aug

I will not be attending the annual BlogHer conference.

I wouldn’t even make it to New York City if I wanted to go to BlogHer. I can’t take a plane thanks to my claustrophobia and fear of heights (heightophobia?).  Three things would happen if I was ever going to take a plane…

a.)    I would cry until we reached New York City

b.)    I would have an anxiety attack and faint

c.)     I would tell the person sitting next to me about the cat I owned to keep calm.

I’d have to take a train or something.
Taking the Train

I regularly get lost in the produce section so I’m guaranteed to get lost in New York City. I can already imagine myself walking through the NYC streets at night with a huge map while looking for the hotel. Seriously, I NEED to group to survive or I’ll run away to chase a squirrel and never be heard from again. Someone needs to put one of those toddler leashes on me to stop me from wandering off with the kind gentleman who offers me candy.

There’s food and water in stores but what if I did get lost in NYC? I can’t build myself a little house with paper towels until someone finds me behind the fitting rooms and guides me to the front door safety.  

 I can’t even read a map. A word of advice, even your own family will get pissed if you get them lost in the zoo. The picture of a dolphin may look close to the picture of a bear on the map but the two exhibits could be separated by a long trail with no signs or bathrooms. Then, you might find out that you were looking at the map the wrong way the whole time.

Besides, I don’t think BlogHer would have anything I would consider fun. No history exhibits or people dressed as Darth Vader? No thanks.



3 Responses to “BlogHer, not recommended for geeks”

  1. Alexandra August 3, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

    Ha! The very same reasons I won’t be going…. I’d never be heard from again.

    Fabulous post!

  2. Greta August 4, 2010 at 12:50 am #

    I am pretty direction dumb myself. When I go to the clinic, I get lost trying to find my way out of the maze of rooms. The nurses always look at me and say, “Follow the exit signs” but I always forget. I am an idiot.

    I don’t really know what BlogHer is, but it sounds like a computer version of the Lillith Fair to me. No thanks. I imagine a bunch of hairy armpitted women with flannel shirts talking about organic foods. I am probably way off….

    • Sara @ Tedious Life August 4, 2010 at 1:29 am #

      BlogHer is an annual conference in NYC where women bloggers get together to meet and talk about blogging, design, writing, etc. I’ve never been to BlogHer so you might be spot on about those women. (jk!)

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