Eat My TV Dinners And I’ll Slash Your Tires…

11 May

If you work in an office building, you are probably familiar with the office fridge with all the little notices on it. A notice of when the fridge will be cleaned out is posted along with other little notices from the average employee to other employees. Most of these are crappy little rants about how “Someone stole my frozen dinner…” or “To whoever is using my creamer- STOP IT!”

Do some of these employees seriously think that these people will stop? If you are one of those people… they will never stop. They will giggle at your silly little note as they get fat on your frozen dinner and use your creamer as a laxative.

(Everybody gets that “feeling” when they eat a certain food… who says it can’t be creamer?)

Here are some fool proof techniques that ensure your creamer, frozen dinner, etc will only be consumed by you.

Inside domestic refrigerator .JPG

Here’s to you, Chris!

“Chris, I know you’ve been stealing my Diet-system dinners. If you ever do that again I will steal your newspaper comic strips. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, CHRIS? I WILL STEAL YOUR HAGAR THE HORRIBLE COMIC STRIPS! I WILL TAKE THEM, LAUGH AT THEM, AND NEVER GIVE THEM BACK!

Thanks, and have a great day!”

Most offices have a common name that is shared among multiple employees. In most offices this name is something like Chris, Bob, Emily, etc… You have a great chance of getting their name right so they think, “Oh crap, they know who I am!” You can also include a small, empty threat so they know you mean business. Don’t say you are going to push them down the stairs or anything that will hurt them. You can say that you will steal the photo of their brother/sister on their desk and kiss it every night.

There are a few negatives to this method. If their name is Rainbow-Sunbeam, you’re out of luck. Also,  threats (even minor, empty ones) are often looked down upon in most office buildings… You may be fired.

Looks like Chocolate!

Do you bring containers of food to work to be reheated later? Do you often find that someone else has already eaten your meal? Try bringing your food in a sealed container that is not made of transparent plastic. Food thieves are less likely to steal food they cannot see it. If you still fear that you will have to go hungry again, attach a note to the container.

“Dog’s stool sample for vet visit today. Do not open or it will be tainted and the worms won’t be seen!”

or…

“Fluffy’s body. Have no power and need to keep this cold! Love you, Fluffy!”

Spanglish?

I speak a little Spanish. I can go to a Spanish speaking nation and order food or ask where the bathroom is (or dressing room… you never know!). If you have some knowledge of a foreign language and you know for a fact not many people at your company do, confuse them with a foreign note or at least a note that sounds like it is from a foreign tourist.

“This has foods me mama made for me. Good elderly recipe from old country. Goat good for eyes. Take some for you self!”

You asked them to take some and it looks like some good food, but the foreign sounding author makes the food unappetizing. They have no idea what part of the goat is in there and some people in the United States (and other countries) think eating the brain, eyes, and tongues of goats is gross.

“Mi sobrino le gusta mi hermana … incesto?”

My Spanish isn’t perfect but I think I got did okay with this sentence. Everybody at work will stay away from you if they knew this message, Spanish speakers and English speakers. They would want to stay away from you for a long time.

———-

Just for the record, I don’t work in an office building nor do I ever plan to. Is it as dull and tedious as everyone says or is it full of wacky adventures with Steve Carell? I wouldn’t enjoy either…

:mrgreen: Sara :mrgreen:

 

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Eat My TV Dinners And I’ll Slash Your Tires…”

  1. DORA GLENN June 1, 2010 at 6:37 am #

    I have to say, every time I come to tediouslife.wordpress.com you have another remarkable article up to read. One of my friends was talking to me about this topic a few weeks ago, so I think I will send my friend the url here and see what they say.

    • Sara June 1, 2010 at 8:46 pm #

      Thank you so much for your comment!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s