The Four Meanest Animals In The Animal Kingdom

22 Mar

Do you remember the dog that attacked you on your way to school? The cat that peed on your shirt? The monkey that threw feces on you at the zoo? Sadly I do. (I’ve had some bad childhood experiences with animals.)  Animals, like humans, are complete assholes sometimes and they know it. What animal species is the biggest meanie in the entire animal kingdom?

4. Wildebeest

Wildebeest are nothing but lazy assholes. They just eat until the lions, hyenas, cheetahs, leopards, or crocodiles come to eat them. What purpose do they serve? Fast Food. (That’s right, I made an AWESOME joke. 😆 )

I also have a personal reason to hate Wildebeest. This video explains it all:

They killed Mufasa! …Assholes…

3. Lions

It seems odd I would say lions are coldhearted, jerks after I just showed you a clip of a lion father saving his cub. The Lion King is right in some aspects. The rivalry between the two lions over the land and Scar’s attempts to kill Simba are accurate portrayals.

Imagine your parents just got divorced. Your father is removed from his home by your new Step-Dad. Your new Step-Dad wants to pass on his genes with your mom, so he kills you. That’s the lion way!

2. Cuckoo Birds

 The female Cuckoo will find a nest with eggs that resemble cuckoo eggs. She will then lay her own egg in the nest. The cuckoo will grow up thinking the birds feeding it are its real parents. The birds raising it will think the Cuckoo is their young.

This is why the number of Cuckoo birds on the Maury show has tripled over the past 3 years. The father doesn’t want to believe his wife was fooling around with the mailman. The wife WAS fooling around with the mailman, but he was a Reed Warbler not some big black-gray monster. (This was the actual plot from an episode last week. The real cuckoo parents came out and things got heated!)

Why can’t the female Cuckoo start her own nest and raise her own chicks? She’s reminds me of the stereotypical hillbilly in a trailer park with 25 biological kids. As soon as the baby momma pops them out, she puts them on doorsteps. Meanwhile, both the bad mothers are at the bar trying to spot out new daddies. Cuckoos and stereotypical trailer park baby mommas are complete ASSHOLES!

 

 

The number one meanest animal is:

Dolphins

Remember Flipper, the groovy 1960’s TV show? Real dolphins are nowhere close to that sweet dolphin companion.

A mystery has been surrounding the “killing” nature of dolphins. There has been film taken of groups of dolphins ramming baby porpoises and tossing them in the air until they die. Bodies of the porpoises have been found along the coasts with the battered bodies of baby dolphins- same injuries. Are dolphins killing their young?

Some people have speculated that dolphins kill for FUN. They play with the young animals like they do with their food until they die. The only difference is, they don’t eat the baby porpoises or dolphins. Would you play with a baby until it dies?

BABY FOOTBALL

Rules are as followed:

Toss the baby up on the count of three and we’ll see how long it takes for it to stop breathing… 1-2-3 GO!

 

 

…Even I found that to be in bad taste.

Are dolphins major jerks? I think so.

:mrgreen: Sara :mrgreen:

 

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5 Responses to “The Four Meanest Animals In The Animal Kingdom”

  1. Sara March 22, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    Post A Comment!

  2. Janie March 22, 2010 at 8:57 pm #

    i have never gotten over the death of mufasa. he will live on forver! i never knew dolphins were such a**holes! anybody else feel this way too?

  3. Missygalfun April 3, 2010 at 9:01 pm #

    Looking through some olds posts. 🙂 I thought killer whales would be on here. They kill cute seals!

  4. jediguy April 10, 2010 at 10:09 am #

    Not bad article, but I really miss that you didn’t express your opinion, but ok you just have different approach

    • LizCunnings April 10, 2010 at 7:40 pm #

      How was her opinion not expressed? This article was full of how she felt about these animals. I quote, ‘lions are coldhearted, jerks’ & ‘I also have a personal reason to hate Wildebeest” these are all opinions.

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